hugs

Photo by Natalie Schlegel

One of the greatest blessings in my life is waking up to my husband's kisses all over my face. When I finally open my eyes he says "good morning, I love you!" and pulls me to my feet for a long morning hug. Like a lot of people, I hate waking up in the morning, but this ritual of ours makes the transition from night to day so sacred (and I feel so spoiled). That hug reminds me of what is important in life, and I begin my day with a foundation of love and support that I know will always be there.

I haven't always been this lucky in the affection department, but I feel almost addicted to my husband's affection. We make sure to give each other at least a few substantial, real hugs every day and doing so seems to alleviate so many of life's problems. So it made perfect sense to me when I began to read articles about the scientific effects hugs have on our bodies. Hugs send a surge of oxytocin (the feel good hormone) throughout our bodies; actually lowering stress and blood pressure, improving our mood, increasing our tolerance for pain, and increasing our trust for the person we are hugging. I hate to be cliché, but take one a day!

My wake up hug this morning led me to write this, but also led me to start mining Etsy for some hug-related items. I have struggled for years to find the perfect artwork for my bedroom walls, wanting it to feel inspirational and symbolic of the love I hope to always maintain in my life. Why hadn't I thought of it before? Hugs! The fine art prints below would be perfect! I have got to purchase one in the very near future! And, the other items are just plain adorable.

Human Nature by Kelly A Fine Art & Photography

Embrace by Kathy Marie Creations

Embrace by Jane Linders Alternative Process Photography

A Hug Lasts Forever by The Little Rice

Hugs and Kisses Pillow by Ramona Owen Designs

xo Scarf by LoopDeeDoo

paint without a paintbrush

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." ~Pablo Picasso

I've mentioned before that I began life as a painter, but at some point during my adolescence I began to feel blocked and terrified of my paintbrush. I think I was drawn to painting in my youth, because I felt so free as I painted worlds on my canvas that looked better than my own real world. It was such a wonderful part of my life, and I have missed it incredibly but have not been able to return to it. At the same time, I've lost my ability to sketch and draw, which I loved equally. I never seemed to question whether or not I could draw or paint something in those younger days, it was just something I knew how to do. But, today I am filled with inhibition, self-criticism, and doubt when I even think about painting or drawing.

This all may sound silly or not make sense, one would think I could just decide to paint or draw again, suspend my judgement of myself and give it a try. But, I can't. I'm really at a loss as an artist when it comes to solving this problem. It seems to present itself as a psychological issue, but I honestly feel like I've lost the physical ability to do something, like losing the ability to tie your shoes or comb your hair. Except this is something I love to do. Or was it meant to be this way? Was I supposed to stop painting? Was it just a gateway for bigger and better ways to express myself?

About 7 years ago, I met this very interesting girl. She had piercings in places I would never have imagined were even pierce-able (for example, the back of her neck and inside of her wrists), she held parties at her house with the rule that each guest was only allowed to wear 6 inches of clothing (no, I did not attend), and she made money on eBay selling painted impressions of her breasts. And interestingly, she loved me.

After hearing this girls stories, and admiring her level of bizarreness and her ability to put it out there for all to see, I decided to try painting without a brush. I bought a few pieces of canvas and somehow, someway I was going to get some paint on them! I so badly wanted to paint and was sick of feeling held back. So I took out my paints, covered myself in them and attacked my canvas. I ended up throwing away those first pieces of body impressions, but I felt freer just in making them. And since then, I have made a few that I actually like. I think it's more the symbolism behind these pieces that I enjoy rather than the aesthetic beauty of them. Such an open, expressive spirit such as myself, that thrives on making art, simply could not bear the feeling of inhibition any longer. These pieces symbolize a release, an uninhibited expression, and a dedication to art in whatever form I am able to create it.

Here I am in a photographer's studio being photographed as I paint the canvas below (sorry, my husband would NOT appreciate me sharing the rest of these photos).

"Painting is an attempt to come to terms with life. There are as many solutions as there are human beings." ~George Tooker

I'm currently working on two pieces to put over my bed. One will feature an impression of my chest, and the other an impression of my husband's chest--a symbol of our hearts and our love. And I'd like to use a large canvas to paint impressions of both of our bodies, and someday add our children's impressions to it as well.

I'm not quite painting like I used to, but I find comfort in the fact that photography has picked up where my painting left off. Now I am able to capture the world and its beauty the way I see it, just as I used to do with my paint. Maybe this is the way it was meant to be for my artistic path. Maybe it's no coincidence that my favorite book as a child was a small book about Picasso and his different periods (of painting). I would study his colors, his style, his lack of concern for the ordinary....perhaps that is the way I was meant to paint rather than in the ordinary way I used to. At any rate, it's a good lesson: when you feel stuck or inhibited, let go of the way you think you should be doing something, and play, make mistakes, allow yourself to find a new way.

"I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No paint, no brush, no canvas. I just think about it."

~Stephen Wright

the many faces of lola rain

The photos below are the companion shots to "The many faces of Hannah J," although I still favor Hannah's brilliant expressions. Hers were au natural, while I had to be coaxed into laughing with a hilarious story about Hannah's daughter and her new My Little Pony, which she named "butter pop."

All photos by Hannah J

It's so interesting how the presence of camera suddenly shuts down most people's ability to be themselves or feel natural. We've been trained like Pavlov's dog to feel self conscious and guarded when we see someone hold a small black box to their eye. It makes me wonder if this behavioral conditioning is the reason for the genuineness of early 19th century photography. To me, the subjects of these photos always display real emotion, and regardless of the circumstance the photograph was taken in, there doesn't seem to be a hint of self consciousness. Perhaps this is because there was no reflex to having a camera in your face when they were newly invented. Just my theory....

The Butterfly

Julia Margaret Cameron

British, 1815-1879

Beatrice

Julia Margaret Cameron

color accent: billiard examples

I love pouring through my old archives when I feel a lack of inspiration, because looking back at my past work rarely fails to get my creative brain churning. I'm never quite sure what I'll find when I hook up my trusty external hard drive--old classics that I still feel proud of and inspired by; ideas that were great, but that I didn't quite succeed in capturing which pushes me to try again; or phases and obsessions in certain styles of photography.

Today I found an abundance of pictures from the time when I was obsessed with my tiny Canon PowerShot. I had purchased it for a vacation, not wanting to lug around my SLR, but given its portable size I decided to keep it in my purse at all times from there on out. This led me to take even more pictures than usual, because I always had a camera with me and when I felt inspired by something or just wanted to play around, I could. Interestingly, I've taken some of my favorite shots with that little camera.

I would wager that most people just point and shoot (as the name suggests), but I was obsessed with playing around with the surprisingly vast amount of settings. My favorite was "color accent" and I got lost in that setting for a good 6-month period. I really loved the idea of composing my pictures based on one color I wanted to pop--for whatever reason, I usually went with green or yellow. Basically, the camera reads everything as black and white other than items that have even the smallest hint of the color you choose to accent.

Here are some examples:

Regular color settings

The same dart board with a green color accent

Green and yellow accent (P.S. I miss my super long hair!)

Green accent. The lime in his drink being the only touch of green in the frame. Love!

Blue color accent.

The same scene with a green color accent.

There is always something new to discover on your camera so don't hesitate to fool around, even if you don't know what you are doing! That is exactly how I found myself in love with photography. Sometimes you have to let yourself play around and make mistakes in order to find something truly inspiring.

the many faces of hannah j

This past weekend I got together with the lovely Hannah J to plan our upcoming art show (consider this an announcement!), and to shoot some new profile pictures. We always seem to loose track of time gossiping and chatting away, so it wasn't a surprise to realize that we only ended up with a 1/2 hour of time for the actual photo shoot. Even with the limited time though, I am quite pleased with the results. I have so many more portraiture ideas for Hannah, but for now I have this beautiful array of facial expressions.

I, myself, have many facial expressions in real life, but I really struggle to bring them out when I am in front of the camera. I was so impressed by Hannah's ability to dig through a plethora of faces....she is just so expressive and lively to photograph. In other words, a photographer's dream.

As for the art show, Hannah and I are planning a joint art show this spring, on May 7th (tentative date). I am quite excited about this project and thrilled to be working with Hannah. If you live within driving distance of Hartford, CT, consider stopping by our art show to preview some of work (1/2 of which will be for viewing pleasure and 1/2 will be displayed for sale). Drink some wine, nibble on some cheese and get to know two passionate and quirky artists. We will be posting more information about this event in the coming months.

One of the greatest rewards of working with Hannah is the creative idea swapping. I found myself with so many new ideas and inspiration after our quick planning session and immediately began further building my blog, adding all the new tabs you see at the top (Portrait Portfolio, Fine Art Portfolio, Services, and About Lola), as well as putting up a new banner and one of my new profile pictures taken by Hannah.

Stay tuned for more information about our art opening!

a rainbow of emotions: sullen

Photo by Natalie Schlegel

I have often wondered if I would have made a good actress. I admit I am quite dramatic (naturally speaking), and also have completely over-the-top reactions to every little thing--wild gasps, joyous shrieks, guffaws of disbelief.....you name it. But, it's my reservoir of accessible emotions that has led me to believe I might have the ability to channel characters. I am entirely emotional by nature, and have so many past experiences and pain to draw from. I got to thinking about this a couple of weeks ago when my lovely photog friend, Natalie, posted a blog about my talent as a model (her words), because she mentioned that there are so many ways to read the emotion in portraits taken of me.

Photo by Natalie Schlegel

I have long hoped I could find the courage to work on a series of self portraits, but for whatever reason I can't quite make it happen. I have, however, attempted to capture some personal shots at random. The ones I happened upon in my archives today were somber and intense. They are not great photos or great art, in my opinion, but I do think I succeeded in capturing genuine emotion.

Self Portraits:

be proud of who you are

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." ~Oscar Wilde

Today is one of my (much needed) "take care of Lola" days--on the agenda: writing while listening to Chakra meditations and burning a lavender/ylang ylang candle, Al Anon, hair appointment to change my look (more to come on this subject), soothing acupuncture, and restorative yoga. So I find it quite fitting that when I pulled open my dresser drawer this morning to select a shirt, I chose the black, waffle henley painted with bohemian wild flowers.....the shirt I haven't dared to wear for the past 2+ years since I bought it.

To everyone else, it's just a shirt, and probably looks exactly like something I'd wear. But, for me, it symbolizes the shame I used to feel about who I am. It was two Christmases ago, while staying at our family house in Maine, when I took the shirt out of my suitcase to wear, only to experience one of those moments that seems trivial, but sticks with you. I got dressed and walked into the other bedroom where my sisters were waiting for me to go into town. They looked at me like I was either swaddled in dead carcasses or had chosen an ensemble so bold that it made Lady Gaga look like a conservative dresser. Even though a henley and jeans seemed so bland in my mind, I quickly changed my outfit and assumed my sisters' opinions must be the correct ones. It was only more evidence for me to use in the case of "I must feel ashamed of the bohemian girl I am."

This morning!

I've had so many moments similar to the "flowered shirt incident" in my life, that it's taken me quite awhile to become aware of them all. Since beginning a healthier and happier life in recovery from all those unhealthy ways of thinking, the irrational moments of scarring have begun to pop up at random. For instance, this shirt that I am wearing proudly today, and the story attached to its hibernation in my dresser drawer, that I had not thought of until one random day a couple of weeks ago. The moment I told my husband the story, I realized how ridiculous it was to not wear a shirt, but also how crippling I allowed a passing moment to be.

The story is gone, and now it's just a shirt. The fact that I am finally wearing it today, after over 2 years of owning it, is merely a testament to how far I've come; how proudly and confidently I am now able to walk through life. Most importantly, it allows me to see how freely I've learned to share myself, exactly as I am, rather than quieting the parts of myself that I feared would be ridiculed.

Be Proud of Who Your Are Print by Lola Rain

One of the most freeing gifts we can give ourselves is to allow ourselves to be exactly what and who we are, all the while feeling proud rather than comparing ourselves to others. I "tried on" so many lives and personas in my youth (not that I'm that old), but nothing has ever felt as comfortable as reality. As the Bhagavad Gita says, "It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly, than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection." Today my wish is for you (yes, you who is reading this!) to live proudly and imperfectly....as yourself!

xo