This past weekend, we were up in Maine at the family house for my baby sister's wedding. Naturally, there was a lot of fun and revelry to be had….on everyone's part, but the parents of an almost 4-month old baby. We are deep in what I've heard referred to as the "baby cave" right now—the little bubble that one lives in when they have a baby(ies) at home. Life is not the same for that span of time—normal, adult sleep/wake schedules are disturbed, it takes an hour to get everyone packed up with clean clothes and clean bums and all the gear they require, nights out are replaced with (many) nights in, it's ridiculously difficult to travel, and you are constantly preoccupied with and discussing things like poop, nap routines, the amazing thing your child did that day, parenting philosophies, etc etc.
It's difficult for others to understand "the cave," because life keeps on moving for those outside of it. And so, on Friday night, I watched as my sisters put on pretty dresses and makeup, as I put on pajamas and super absorbent breast pads. They went out to meet all the wedding guests at a local bar and enjoyed adult beverages and adult conversation, as Alex and I climbed into twin beds next to each other, and had a conversation via Facebook chat so as not to wake the baby slumbering by my side. As we typed back and forth, I thought "wow, this is quite the snapshot of parenthood."
Here's our (somewhat abbreviated) IM convo (which makes a lot more sense if you're familiar with Dr. Seuss's Fox in Socks):
7:39pm Alex says:
Facebook!
in Maine...
Not bad so far
I'm really tired though, I
was thinking about passing out
at 7:45
7:41pm Alexa says:
I’m usually asleep by now,
but I’m all wired from the action of the day
I really need some sleep though
I do feel bummed to be in
bed while everyone else is out having fun.
Life with a baby
We’re in the baby cave
7:43pm Alex says:
Haha, true, felt like a loser
there for a second
7:43pm Alexa says:
I’d love a drink
and to dance in a bar to
loud music
7:43pm Alex says:
Yeah, sounds nice about now
7:45pm Alexa says:
Shhhhhh! You’re making so
much noise over there!
You woke the baby
7:45pm Alex says:
Ooops.
7:45pm Alexa says:
She’s going back to sleep
Phew.
7:45pm Alexa says:
It’s hard to type with one
hand
and it’s my non-dominant
hand
7:45pm Alex says:
It's hard to do a lot of
things with one hand, but we're learning (since
one hand is always holding
the baby)
7:46pm Alexa says:
It feels like a vacation
when I have the use of both my hands
7:47pm Alex says:
7:48pm Alex says:
...
7:49pm Alexa says:
It’s this little barnacle
on my nipple
Slowing me down
Would you trade places with
Em if you could?
7:50pm Alex says: Alex
says:
Hmm, good question
Probably not, cause she's a
chick and I like being a dude
7:50pm Alexa says:
Lying next to me with my
boob in your mouth all night
7:50pm Alex says:
Haha, oh that
Well... she does have it
pretty nice there
Then again she can't walk,
talk, ride a bike, eat food
or pretty much any of the
other pleasures of being human
7:51pm Alexa says:
Well yes, you do have a lot
of great skills
7:52pm Alex says:
Her future prospects are
good though
7:52pm Alexa says:
You can also pee in a toilet
7:52pm Alex says:
Well, debatable
depends on who you talk to
about that...
7:52pm Alexa says:
That is true
I do end up cleaning up
just as much of your pee as I do Em's
Em and I have talks about
daddy's pee every morning right before I sit on it
7:54pm Alex says:
Wha?
7:54pm Alexa says:
Sit on your pee
7:55pm Alex says:
Was that a directive: go
sit on your pee?
Well, go eat your poop
7:55pm Alexa says:
No, it was the end of the
previous convo
I will not eat my poop here
or there
7:55pm Alex says:
Would you, could you in an
outhouse?
7:56pm Alexa says:
I would not, could not in
an outhouse
7:56pm Alex says:
I think Fox in Socks is
making me lose my mind
The rhythm of it will come
to me at entirely inappropriate moments
7:57pm Alexa says:
I seriously could get lost
in that book, like the people who get lost in an acid trip and never get out.
7:57pm Alex says:
Hahah
7:58pm Alexa says:
I mean what the fuck is
that Fox talking about????
7:58pm Alex says:
And where do they start?
Why the hell are they
building stacks of random crap?
7:58pm Alexa says:
Things get really messed up
for me when Fox starts sewing hoses and roses on some old crow's body. I mean
what the hell is that about? Who would think to do something like that?
7:59pm Alex says:
And who the hell is this
Mr. Knox guy?
I think he's connected with
the mafia or something
I mean the way he plays
dumb the whole time, then shoves the guy in a bottle!
7:59pm Alexa says:
Yah, there is something
really fishy about that
And why doesn't anyone have
any fingers?
Just a thumb and a mitten-like appendage
8:00pm Alex says:
What kind of animal wears a
tunic?
Dog? cat?
And good luck guessing the
gender
The Fox in Socks is
ironically the only one who makes any sense
I mean, it's a fox
wearing socks
8:00pm Alexa says:
Really. I like that Fox is
at least identified as a fox
Also, how can bricks get
sick? I’m really disturbed by a whole mess of bricks lying in bed, crying
because they are sick
8:00pm Alex says:
They don't cry, they
"tock"
There is something really
existential about that
I could definitely write a
research paper on this.
8:02pm Alexa says:
Knox is a man, Mr. Knox.
So we can at least be clear
about that.
But, he's wearing a full
length tunic so it's a bit confusing
8:02pm Alex says:
Hmmm.. that's true, unless
he's a hermaphrodite
8:02pm Alexa says:
Maybe that's what he's
trying to cover up with that frumpy tunic
8:02pm Alex says:
Perhaps it's a transsexual
who would rather be identified as Mr.
or even more terrifying,
the Fox is just mocking her for looking mannish
or wearing that stupid ass
tunic
8:03pm Alexa says:
Well, the fox is running
around naked wearing only socks, so he really shouldn't talk
8:04pm Alex says:
Haha, that's a bad dream
Wake up wearing nothing but
four socks
in a classroom of your
peers
Talk about kinky
It's amazing Knox takes so
much crap from him
8:05pm Alexa says:
Also, I’m uncomfortable
with the explosive rage on Knox’s part in the end. I mean dude just loses his
shit and shoves that fox into a bottle with a bunch of battling beetles
and this is in front of
children?
8:05pm Alex says:
Em hates the beetles,
to her credit
8:05pm Alexa says:
She always moans when the
beetles come on the page!
8:05pm Alex says:
True!
She gets upset every time
they roll around
8:05pm Alexa says:
She so does
They have really mean
faces, maybe that's it
She doesn't care for their
attitudes
8:05pm Alex says:
I was reading in Nurture shock
that kids get their violent
tendencies from the stuff they read and watch
8:06pm Alexa says:
Oh, great
8:06pm Alex says:
Something like 70% of the
stuff that's out there,
including classics like Grimm's
Fairy Tales,
has someone harassing or
injuring someone else
and in like 95% of them,
the harassing party doesn't apologize or make nice
8:06pm Alexa says:
I believe it. Fox in Socks
is kind of a dick.
Maybe we should rip out the
last few pages, all the ones with the battling beetles and the bottle shoving
8:07pm Alex says:
Haha
At least in this one Knox
gets revenge
8:07pm Alexa says:
Knox tells him again and
again that he can't play this game and that it's upsetting him and that he
wants to stop and Fox keeps on and keeps on-
won't leave the guy alone
That's why I say that Fox
gets what he deserves in the end
But it's still not a great
message
8:07pm Alex says:
But, it's no wonder our
kids start harassing and kicking the crap out of each other
They include one like from
Sponge Bob square pants
I'll butcher it but....
Sponge bob says to his friend "How can you go on living knowing you’re a
complete moron"
And the others watching
just laugh and cheer him on
8:08pm Alexa says:
That’s awful
I would never let Em watch Sponge Bob.
It's 8:08. I’m up way past
my bedtime.
That is absolutelt hilarious i love that you guys talk by computer. I'm never reading fox in sox again.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Taylor
hilareous. I have to say- I am NOT a Dr.Seuss fan- we dont own any of his books- can't handle all the rhymes
ReplyDelete