Wednesday, September 5, 2012

a friday night in parenthood

This past weekend, we were up in Maine at the family house for my baby sister's wedding. Naturally, there was a lot of fun and revelry to be had….on everyone's part, but the parents of an almost 4-month old baby. We are deep in what I've heard referred to as the "baby cave" right now—the little bubble that one lives in when they have a baby(ies) at home. Life is not the same for that span of time—normal, adult sleep/wake schedules are disturbed, it takes an hour to get everyone packed up with clean clothes and clean bums and all the gear they require, nights out are replaced with (many) nights in, it's ridiculously difficult to travel, and you are constantly preoccupied with and discussing things like poop, nap routines, the amazing thing your child did that day, parenting philosophies, etc etc

It's difficult for others to understand "the cave," because life keeps on moving for those outside of it. And so, on Friday night, I watched as my sisters put on pretty dresses and makeup, as I put on pajamas and super absorbent breast pads. They went out to meet all the wedding guests at a local bar and enjoyed adult beverages and adult conversation, as Alex and I climbed into twin beds next to each other, and had a conversation via Facebook chat so as not to wake the baby slumbering by my side. As we typed back and forth, I thought "wow, this is quite the snapshot of parenthood." 

Here's our (somewhat abbreviated) IM convo (which makes a lot more sense if you're familiar with Dr. Seuss's Fox in Socks):

7:39pm Alex says:
in Maine...
Not bad so far
I'm really tired though, I was thinking about passing out
at 7:45

7:41pm Alexa says:
I’m usually asleep by now, but I’m all wired from the action of the day
I really need some sleep though
I do feel bummed to be in bed while everyone else is out having fun.
Life with a baby
We’re in the baby cave

7:43pm Alex says:
Haha, true, felt like a loser there for a second

7:43pm Alexa says:
I’d love a drink
and to dance in a bar to loud music

7:43pm Alex says:
Yeah, sounds nice about now

7:45pm Alexa says:
Shhhhhh! You’re making so much noise over there!
You woke the baby

7:45pm Alex says:

7:45pm Alexa says:
She’s going back to sleep

7:45pm Alexa says:
It’s hard to type with one hand
and it’s my non-dominant hand

7:45pm Alex says:
It's hard to do a lot of things with one hand, but we're learning (since
one hand is always holding the baby)

7:46pm Alexa says:
It feels like a vacation when I have the use of both my hands

7:47pm Alex says:
Wow, the speed of your typing makes me feel like I'm communicating with a paraplegic

7:48pm Alex says:

7:49pm Alexa says:
It’s this little barnacle on my nipple
Slowing me down
Would you trade places with Em if you could?

7:50pm Alex says: Alex says:
Hmm, good question
Probably not, cause she's a chick and I like being a dude

7:50pm Alexa says:
Lying next to me with my boob in your mouth all night

7:50pm Alex says:
Haha, oh that
Well... she does have it pretty nice there
Then again she can't walk, talk, ride a bike, eat food
or pretty much any of the other pleasures of being human

7:51pm Alexa says:
Well yes, you do have a lot of great skills

7:52pm Alex says:
Her future prospects are good though

7:52pm Alexa says:
You can also pee in a toilet

7:52pm Alex says:
Well, debatable
depends on who you talk to about that...

7:52pm Alexa says:
That is true
I do end up cleaning up just as much of your pee as I do Em's
Em and I have talks about daddy's pee every morning right before I sit on it

7:54pm Alex says:

7:54pm Alexa says:
Sit on your pee

7:55pm Alex says:
Was that a directive: go sit on your pee?
Well, go eat your poop

7:55pm Alexa says:
No, it was the end of the previous convo
I will not eat my poop here or there

7:55pm Alex says:
Would you, could you in an outhouse?

7:56pm Alexa says:
I would not, could not in an outhouse

7:56pm Alex says:
I think Fox in Socks is making me lose my mind
The rhythm of it will come to me at entirely inappropriate moments

7:57pm Alexa says:
I seriously could get lost in that book, like the people who get lost in an acid trip and never get out.

7:57pm Alex says:

7:58pm Alexa says:
I mean what the fuck is that Fox talking about????

7:58pm Alex says:
And where do they start?
Why the hell are they building stacks of random crap?

7:58pm Alexa says:
Things get really messed up for me when Fox starts sewing hoses and roses on some old crow's body. I mean what the hell is that about? Who would think to do something like that?

7:59pm Alex says:
And who the hell is this Mr. Knox guy?
I think he's connected with the mafia or something
I mean the way he plays dumb the whole time, then shoves the guy in a bottle!

7:59pm Alexa says:
Yah, there is something really fishy about that
And why doesn't anyone have any fingers?
Just a thumb and a mitten-like appendage

8:00pm Alex says:
What kind of animal wears a tunic?
Dog? cat?
And good luck guessing the gender
The Fox in Socks is ironically the only one who makes any sense
I mean, it's a fox
wearing socks

8:00pm Alexa says:
Really. I like that Fox is at least identified as a fox
Also, how can bricks get sick? I’m really disturbed by a whole mess of bricks lying in bed, crying because they are sick

8:00pm Alex says:
They don't cry, they "tock"
There is something really existential about that
I could definitely write a research paper on this.

8:02pm Alexa says:
Knox is a man, Mr. Knox.
So we can at least be clear about that.
But, he's wearing a full length tunic so it's a bit confusing

8:02pm Alex says:
Hmmm.. that's true, unless he's a hermaphrodite

8:02pm Alexa says:
Maybe that's what he's trying to cover up with that frumpy tunic

8:02pm Alex says:
Perhaps it's a transsexual who would rather be identified as Mr.
or even more terrifying, the Fox is just mocking her for looking mannish
or wearing that stupid ass tunic

8:03pm Alexa says:
Well, the fox is running around naked wearing only socks, so he really shouldn't talk

8:04pm Alex says:
Haha, that's a bad dream
Wake up wearing nothing but four socks
in a classroom of your peers
Talk about kinky
It's amazing Knox takes so much crap from him

8:05pm Alexa says:
Also, I’m uncomfortable with the explosive rage on Knox’s part in the end. I mean dude just loses his shit and shoves that fox into a bottle with a bunch  of battling beetles
and this is in front of children?

8:05pm Alex says:
Em hates the beetles,
to her credit

8:05pm Alexa says:
She always moans when the beetles come on the page!

8:05pm Alex says:
She gets upset every time they roll around

8:05pm Alexa says:
She so does
They have really mean faces, maybe that's it
She doesn't care for their attitudes

8:05pm Alex says:
I was reading in Nurture shock
that kids get their violent tendencies from the stuff they read and watch

8:06pm Alexa says:
Oh, great

8:06pm Alex says:
Something like 70% of the stuff that's out there,
including classics like Grimm's Fairy Tales,
has someone harassing or injuring someone else
and in like 95% of them, the harassing party doesn't apologize or make nice

8:06pm Alexa says:
I believe it. Fox in Socks is kind of a dick.
Maybe we should rip out the last few pages, all the ones with the battling beetles and the bottle shoving

8:07pm Alex says:
At least in this one Knox gets revenge

8:07pm Alexa says:
Knox tells him again and again that he can't play this game and that it's upsetting him and that he wants to stop and Fox keeps on and keeps on-
won't leave the guy alone
That's why I say that Fox gets what he deserves in the end
But it's still not a great message

8:07pm Alex says:
But, it's no wonder our kids start harassing and kicking the crap out of each other
They include one like from Sponge Bob square pants
I'll butcher it but.... Sponge bob says to his friend "How can you go on living knowing you’re a complete moron"
And the others watching just laugh and cheer him on

8:08pm Alexa says:
That’s awful
I would never let Em watch Sponge Bob.
It's 8:08. I’m up way past my bedtime.


  1. That is absolutelt hilarious i love that you guys talk by computer. I'm never reading fox in sox again.

  2. hilareous. I have to say- I am NOT a Dr.Seuss fan- we dont own any of his books- can't handle all the rhymes


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