feeling inspired

In the past year, I have only painted three paintings, all of which were for Emerson's nursery. And, if I hadn't felt the desperate (hormonal) need to fully decorate her room, I would have had a completely art-free year. This may not seem like a big deal, but for me it is. I cannot live without creating. I must create or there is a big old empty hole in me, less color and liveliness in my spirit, and the feeling that I am without a purpose. Such is the life of an artist. 

Since I had absolutely ZERO energy for the entirety of my pregnancy, I poured all my creative energy into writing this blog (which, coincidentally made it what it is today). But, over the past week or so I have had a giant burst of inspiration and creative excitement. I'm not exactly sure what the catalyst for this new wave of creative energy was, but I am generating ideas left and right (god, it's been so long since I could say that!) and have been devoting as much time as I can manage, in my crazy life as the mother to a rambunctious 5-month-old baby, to working on my fine art photography, painting, writing, and (at a very slow pace) my portraiture business. Of course, in the past that would have meant spending every moment from the time I got out of bed until the time I went to sleep at night totally focused and working….but, alas, times have changed. I do what I can during nap times (with the baby sleeping ON ME) and have been able to sneak in a half hour of painting here and there (sigh, I used to paint in five-hour stretches). 

I have a big piece of canvas that I have been lugging around from place to place for years, and at one time started a painting of birch bark on it that went totally awry….hated it. Now, it will tell the story of our family with little bits of nostalgia all over it. It might just take me forever to finish with the mini-sessions I've been putting in on it. But, it feels SO good to paint! Creating reminds me of the woman, the individual, I am underneath the conjoined super being: EmersonMama (sidenote-we really need a uni-name/portmanteau like Brangelina).

The very beginning...

lucky elephants and wise owls

I finally got around to finishing the art for baby girl's room! I'm pretty happy with the way it all turned out. Aren't they just happy, peaceful looking animals?

 

lucky elephant

After a long hiatus, I finally broke open my paints and art supplies last week to start creating some art for baby girl's room. So far, I've been making reproductions of work I adore. I fell in love with Mati Rose's artwork last year after taking a painting class with her, so naturally I thought of her when it came time to decorate the nursery, but that was when I (sadly) discovered her Etsy shop was temporarily closed. I decided I'd try to recreate some of her pieces instead and I'm glad I did because it was a lot of fun and I enjoy putting my own spin on things. The "Lucky Elephant" is the first piece I created and I'm now working on another elephant and an owl. 

I love that the elephant is a symbol of luck, strength, wisdom, solitude, strong sense of loyalty to the family, and intelligence.

come back mati rose!

I immediately fell in love with Mati Rose's artwork when I first stumbled upon it last winter, which led me to sign up for her online painting class. Mati is a San Francisco artist, who I read about on another San Franciscan's (bohemian) blog….and of course I am drawn to all things San Francisco after living there for 4 years (and my dad has been living there for over 12 years now). At any rate, I am thinking about her artwork now because I would LOVE to design my baby's nursery around a collection of her prints—I have yet to find inspiration for the nursery anywhere but in Mati's paintings. Her color palette and imagination are just perfection in my book. The problem? Mati's Etsy shop has been "temporarily" closed since last February. *BIG sigh* Some of my favorites…..

learning to let go

A few weeks ago I wrote about my yearly pilgrimage to Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health—a deeply spiritual experience for me. When I am on retreat, life simplifies itself and I am able to see my struggles, dreams, motivations and inner workings in their true light. I always journal about these things when I am at Kripalu, and this year it occurred to me that there is one issue that continues to announce itself, every year louder than the last. The issue is a deep, nearly impenetrable tightness at the very bottom of my soul. I always experience that tightness with such intensity on retreat, because I am constantly engaged in activities that jostle and loosen that tightness….and quite honestly, it is terrifying (yet glorious). 

I usually do not make it through a yoga or dance class or a meditation hour (at Kripalu) without tears pushing their way forcefully up from the depths of my belly. The tears beg for freedom, they beg to drop down my cheeks and hit the floor so as to run as far away from me as possible. I live a conflicted existence—a free-spirit who often feels imprisoned and unable to express itself as freely as it needs to. But, I know that in diving into my art these past 2 years, I have begun to loosen and heal (though I still have a long way to go). 

I knew when I picked up a paintbrush for the first time in 15 years, and allowed myself to paint simply for the joy it brings to my soul, that I was stepping into new territory…..I was traveling down into the unforgotten, but seemingly inaccessible, part of myself that is still the free little girl who felt safe and confident in expressing herself, the little girl who could effortlessly paint and draw anything her imagination thought up, the little girl who loved to dance, sing and perform and never felt self-conscious, the little girl who was perfectly comfortable being the artist she was born to be. At a young age that little girl went into hiding. A tragedy robbed her of her bubbling joy and innocence and it's been a struggle ever since to pry her back out into the light of day, at least in any permanent way. The details of that tragedy are unimportant, as we all have our stories, but it did leave behind an indelible mark that has severely damaged my ability to live freely. I have had clenched fists and tight muscles ever since—something I feel at certain times more than others….something I am constantly working to defy.

In exploring art again, I have come to realize that letting go is my primary goal in life, it is what I have been seeking in all my travels and adventures, and it is the one thing I believe will open the world up to me. It's no wonder that I gravitate toward activities that allow me to momentarily experience that sense of freedom I lost….but it's no longer enough. I want to completely let go. I want to, with one blessed breath, be released. I want to pick up my paintbrush and feel that innate ability to create without thinking. I want to dance and sing, write poetry and photograph life. I want to be me.  

healing beauty

I started working on a water saturation series months ago, which was inspired by a painting I did for a friend (finished painting here). Unfortunately, I started the series in the midst of packing and moving so I was never able to get into a groove with these pieces. I find it really difficult to paint if I don't have natural, free-flowing momentum…thus I've had these unfinished canvases lying around, nagging me to find some inspiration. I decided to add some emotion to one of them (by painting some inspirational words on it) the other day in the hopes of finding a direction…but, it's still unfinished (and so is it's partner). Where to go, where to go?

painting with lila

I had the great pleasure of partaking in a 2-hour painting session with my angelic little niece Lila this past weekend. It's interesting how much I feel like I have in common with Lila, also born under the sign of Cancer, though she is just barely 3 years old. But, I really do!

I had a suspicion my fellow Cancer might enjoy painting, and I was right! We ended up collaborating on one piece, which her mother (my sister-in-law) put the final touches on. I had an old canvas that I had painted a base layer on long ago for a painting I never finished, and later had used as a practice board for my paint pens….so this became the base for our collaborative painting. Lila also produced her first solo canvas painting, something I suspect she will look back on fondly someday (you know, when she's a flourishing artist;). 

I must say, painting with a 3-year old while talking about all the things in the world that we find "pretty" for 2 hours really infused my own art practice with some new energy. It was also quite a powerful experience to watch my sister pick up a paintbrush for the first time since she was a teenager. As she put it, she had goosebumps all over her as she felt the brush hit the canvas. Watching the smiles on both her and her daughter's faces proved to me once again that art heals.

{I apologize for the blurry, not-so-great photos. We were painting at night, in a very dark room}

Lila's solo piece:

I knew Lila was hooked on art when I awoke the next morning to find her lurking outside my bedroom door. The minute she saw me her face lit up and she exclaimed "I want to paint!" So….we had a quick morning watercolor session over breakfast. How precious is she twirling her hair in her fingers?

woman

I finally found some time to paint over this past weekend! Thank god, because my sanity was seriously in jeopardy after a long art-starved few weeks. Woman was the first painting to leak out of the right side of my brain. I've been having a lot of abstract visions of the power and strength a woman possesses—most poignantly demonstrated in her ability to create new life. 

This piece needs a little more fine-tuning, but overall I find myself inspired by the simple, but powerful message.

my portfolio in review

Two years ago I decided to give up on "security" (read: quit my "real job") and leap into the unknown of an artistic life. This journey has been emotional, exciting, challenging, empowering, and the greatest learning experience of my life. I have given the little girl in me, who was born an artist, the nurturing, support and room to grow that she always needed….and I'm overwhelmed by how far I've come and how much my body of work has expanded. 

I'm quite excited to see how things unfold up in the mountains of Western Massachusetts (where I am moving this summer), in a place where I feel more inspired and ready to establish myself as a working artist. So, as I prepare to launch off into a new chapter of life I thought I'd share my portfolio from the last two years. Here are some of my favorites from my fine art photography and portraiture portfolios and the beginnings of my journey in painting: