15 weeks

I am 15 weeks today and struggling to write this post. My mind is blank, and that's my newest pregnancy symptom. The nausea has slowly been replaced by duhhhhhh. It's really insane and makes putting sentences together quite interesting given my brain just craps out mid-thought or cannot remember the most common, simple words. For instance, I'll ask my husband if he's seen that straight, plastic tool I use to get knots and tangles out of my hair (comb) or tell him I need some of those things that keep your feet warm (socks). These are not actual examples, because I have of course forgotten the real examples. 

The pics posted here are a few days shy of 15 weeks, but they work. I also hate the poor quality of night time shots with horrible hotel lighting, but hey...

I'm also really starting to look pregnant (check out the photos I posted yesterday)….that is if you know I'm pregnant. I marvel at my new curves, really, but I do sort of wish there was a special pin or badge pregnant women could wear for the first few months that read "yes, I'm pregnant!" just so there's no confusion. Believe me, I will be wearing this belly with pride and covering it in form-fitting apparel once it reaches a certain level of plumpness….I think pregnant bellies are simply beautiful, but I'm not quite at that level yet. I gave "wearing it with pride" a whirl this past weekend when my husband and I went out for a nice dinner in Stowe (up until now I've been wearing flowing tops in public only), but I ended up feeling self-concsious wondering if people just assumed I ate too much:)

Granted this was taken after I ate a sandwich and a glass of milk, but damn! It's pretty round and I can only see my toes. 15 weeks?

Alex and I also picked up a baby name book (highly recommend this book!) while we were in Vermont and over the course of an afternoon and the car ride home to Massachusetts, we read the entire thing! We have both felt pretty certain that we are having a girl since somewhere around the sixth week so we've been focusing on girl's name. Of course, we know our "feeling" could be wrong, but we'd both be in complete shock if they told us it's a boy (we'll be excited either way though). We have settled on a name though (our top choice) with two back-ups, because honestly I don't know how you can definitively decide before holding your child in your arms. I feel like we'll "know" then what her (or his) name is. And let me tell you, it's taken over a year of debating names for Alex and I to agree—yes, we've been discussing it for that long:) We are both writers thus very focused on words and meanings, and our child's name was no exception. Our combined requirements were: family name/association, significant and relevant meaning behind the name, hippie flair to it, some sort of nature association, and of course it has to flow well and sound pretty. Tall task, but we've fit it all into the one name we've chosen (both boy and girl). The world will have to wait another 25 weeks (I just had to use a calculator to figure that out, damn this pregnancy brain!) to hear it though, because we are keeping it our sweet secret. 

14 weeks

13 weeks
And Baby Makes 3!

babymoon #1

It's been an eventful and exhausting past 8 months (something I've mentioned often so you've probably seen this list before:)—the 3-month country-wide job search for my husband, moving out of our apartment in Southern CT, putting our stuff in storage, living with my mother-in-law for 2+ months while we spent our summer frantically searching for a house and doing paperwork, moving into said house in a new state, taking on a never-ending list of house projects….oh, and getting pregnant. On top of it we've had plans every single free moment and weekend since we've moved into our house (so not like us). 

Needless to say, we are a bit exhausted! This is quite the contrast to the lifestyle we were so used to living before this all began—endless nights to ourselves, romantic weekend getaways every chance we got, big vacations a couple times a year….lots of peace, quiet, and relaxation. We were recently reminiscing about the old days (that weren't so long ago in reality) and immediately knew we needed a healthy dose of that right now in order to make our way through all this chaos. We had originally planned to do this on our anniversary weekend, but wouldn't you know…we had plans (unrelated to our anniversary!)….and we had plans the next weekend too…ahhh! But, finally this past weekend we enjoyed babymoon #1 (I'm hoping for a couple more before the baby arrives). It was heavenly and just what we needed…….

We spent the first night at our usual spot (Alex's family owns this lovely inn where we got married). It's always so cozy, warm and relaxed at the Stowehof. We had a long dinner by one fireplace and fell asleep by another fireplace…so nice.

Then we decided to splurge (since it's been so long since we've done anything like this) and stay at this brand new monstrosity on Stowe Mountain….

Total opposite of the night before, but equally enjoyable. This place is not exactly warm and homey like the Stowehof, but it certainly makes you feel pampered! I was also a big fan of the eco-consciousness of this hotel—while disgustingly enormous and modern (we had an electric fireplace instead of a real one), they use all natural cleaning products, provide organic sheets, towels and bath products and have energy-saving devices everywhere you look.

They also have the most insane pool I've ever seen! It's outdoor, but used year-round—heated to 90 degrees in the colder months and 86 during the summer.

You climb into the water indoors then swim out into the pool through this little flap (below). Crazy!

One of the other reasons we wanted to try this hotel was the food. I had been wanting to try their restaurant for years….but, it was entirely disappointing. I barely chocked down a few bites of the fancy risotto I ordered before calling it quits, heading back to the room and ordering a peanut butter and jelly sandwich off the kid's menu with a glass of milk and warm cookies. I haven't been a milk drinker in over 10 years nor do I ever eat peanut butter, but it was the most satisfying meal I've had since I've been pregnant. Gotta love cravings!

Who needs champagne on a romantic getaway when you can throw back some ice cold skim instead?

Sort of an aside, but my belly looked especially pregnant this weekend (please excuse the horrible lighting/pictures).

I know this is super blurry and poor quality, but it shocked me when I saw it. This baby is really starting to grow!

this week in photos

My husband and his brother put a new roof on our shed.

A big deal in our house, because my husband is better known for working with his incredible brain…

not his hands.

I never thought I'd see the day when my husband had a hammer holder on one hip and work gloves on the other. How home-ownership has changed him! 

While hacking out a space for a dishwasher (thank the heavens we have one now!) we found calendars from 1980-82 stuffed behind our kitchen walls. Man, the past owners were much busier than us!

The baby bump grows.

My husband builds a crib—yes, it's pretty early for that, but my overexcited father couldn't wait to buy it:) So sad to discover that the amazing, organic eco mattress we got doesn't fit:(

The view outside our window goes from this….

to this!

The backyard from this….

to this.

I love the snow, but I was not expecting this much in October!

motivation

I'll be honest, these first 3.5 months of pregnancy have really tested my strength. I'd love to say that it's been nothing but magic, sheer joy, and lollipops, but I'd be lying. And then there's the guilt for not feeling that way all the time, because….heck, there are plenty of people out there who want a baby, but can't have one….and remember how much you wanted this baby, dreamt of this baby, painted pictures of this baby…..remember how hard those months were when the test was negative? 


As deeply appreciative as I feel to be pregnant, the first trimester can be a highly confusing, overly emotional time thanks to the morning sickness, fatigue, an ungodly amount of hormones surging through your body, and the newness of such a BIG life change (and in my case, throw in a few other life transitions like moving to a new state and purchasing my first house) . The experience tests your patience and strength in an entirely new way….and it can be hard to admit your conflicted emotions, because you feel like you should feel differently even though all the baby books and 3 midwives have told you that it's perfectly normal (to feel overwhelmed/slightly depressed) and to be expected. Sigh. There is so much you don't expect when you get pregnant, no matter how many pregnant friends have told you stories, no matter how many baby/pregnancy books you've read and no matter how much insane research you've done online (I honestly feel like I should just become a midwife or OBGYN with the amount of research I've done and knowledge I've gained both pre- and post-conception on the subject—I'm an information junky in a big way). 


I know it will get better, and it already is day by day, but I suddenly found myself wishing the walls of my house were plastered with motivational words this morning….little friendly reminders as I sprint crawl toward the finish line (which at the moment is the 2nd trimester honeymoon phase). P.S. I think some of these would also be perfect on the walls of the delivery room:)

Get Going by Artocrat

Keep Going by JayHell

One Day at a Time by Printed Love

Think Positive by Happy Deliveries

I Can Do This by Happy Landings

Life is Beautiful by Ink Stomp

Live by Melody Sage

Can't Stop, Won't Stop by The Spotted Fox

It's Always Worth It by Lisa Congdon

I also still love the set of inspirational prints I posted last spring.

14 weeks

I passed the 14 week mark yesterday—I'm still waiting and waiting for the burst of energy everyone has promised will come. As I sit here wondering if this run-down, flu-like state has become permanent, I find myself constantly contemplating the idea of permanency. It is mind-boggling to realize that for the rest of my life I will be a mother. One summer morning I watched as one line became two and I was no longer the "me" I had always been….just like that. Pregnancy certainly prepares you for the colossal transition that is taking place—although temporary, the laundry list of symptoms I've experienced have been unequivocally running my life and replacing so many of my old ways of being that I am left feeling like a stranger to myself. The symptoms will fade, I know, but they represent the journey toward motherhood, something that will change me for life.

13 weeks

And Baby Makes 3!

come back mati rose!

I immediately fell in love with Mati Rose's artwork when I first stumbled upon it last winter, which led me to sign up for her online painting class. Mati is a San Francisco artist, who I read about on another San Franciscan's (bohemian) blog….and of course I am drawn to all things San Francisco after living there for 4 years (and my dad has been living there for over 12 years now). At any rate, I am thinking about her artwork now because I would LOVE to design my baby's nursery around a collection of her prints—I have yet to find inspiration for the nursery anywhere but in Mati's paintings. Her color palette and imagination are just perfection in my book. The problem? Mati's Etsy shop has been "temporarily" closed since last February. *BIG sigh* Some of my favorites…..

13 weeks

I'm not sure that you get the full effect of the roundness of my belly in this photo, but I didn't have Alex around to take a good profile shot so I thought it might be fun to start a series of self portraits—watch my feet disappear, little by little each week:) It is pretty crazy to look down these days and see this swelling life deep beneath my skin. It's fascinating and alien-like. Every night I lift up my shirt to smother my belly with lotion, and every time Alex exclaims, "wow, that's the biggest it's been so far!" as if he half expects my stomach to shrink back down to normal, back into the realm of realities we can grasp and understand. The whole experience is still so unreal for us both….but exciting in a way I can't explain.

And Baby Makes 3!