worth the wait

Photo by Natalie Schlegel

I've shared one of the songs I've written and recorded a few months ago, and lately have really been wondering where that impulse and passion to write and record music has gone. It was an every day part of my life when I learned to play a few years back. But, now I stare at my guitar perched on its stand in the corner of the room and I can hardly bring myself to pick it up. I want to, and sometimes I do; but the easy, exciting inspiration I used to feel when casually strumming away late into the afternoon that would result in another song written, has slowly declined and vanished from my expressive inclinations.

Photo by Natalie Schlegel

I've written about "shadow artists" and I certainly am one when it comes to music (these days). A shadow artist is an artist who is ignorant of their true identity as an artist, while shadowing declared artists (click here for a better description). I suppose I began to shrink farther and farther into the background when I found myself in the daily presence of my husband's music. He sang in choir from elementary school through college, his voice is talented and beautiful. And to me, he is far more creative when it comes to creating variation and excitement in his guitar parts. Hello self deprecation!

My hubby, breaking in his "man room" the day we moved in together.

It's really too bad that I instinctually felt inferior and stopped playing guitar with my husband. Everyone around us thought we'd have some wild, obsessive, constant music making happening in our apartment when we moved in together. We were certainly like that in the beginning of our relationship, writing each other songs back and forth, but we aren't anymore. And I've been saying the whole time "I have to get back to my music! I'm going to start again." But, it hasn't happened yet. I think I'm writing this to put myself on the hook to actually pick up the darn guitar again!

On that note, below are the lyrics to another one of my "songs." I don't put that in quotations to mock myself, but only because I never recorded the cut version of this, which is about 1/4 of the length (much shorter verses) so this rough draft is rather lengthy and unfinished (if you stick it out, the end is better than the beginning). I just "never got around" to finishing the recording.

The interesting thing is that I wrote this song only a few months before Alex came into my life, and it is about the "one" that I would end up with....and I really did feel the way I said I would in this song. It has a very sullen, painful feel to it though, because it was an emotional piece for me to write.

You can listen to the song on my Tumblr page (the Jan 22nd posting). Both vocal parts, and the two acoustic guitar parts are your very own Lola Rain! The bass part, electric guitar and drums are members of the band Lazy Sunday. Here are the lyrics:

Worth the Wait by Lola Rain

I'll find a cement mixer

fill in those old ruts
then it can finally be
just the two of us
Adjusting the rearview
as I maneuver this old machine
wiping my slate clean
So take your last breathe and
eat your last meal
The beast has had his last day
telling me how to feel

Let's take our regrets honey
bury them in the backyard
watch something magical
rise from the seeds
of what was hard
Take my hand but be warned
you'll never let go again
the reasons why I'm certain
you'll learn soon my friend

Because I'm worth
this love my dear
cast away my fears

I thread together
the things that you say
a blanket to curl up in
at the end of my lonely day
Your words wrapped around me
as I drift off to sleep
Darling this feeling is everything
I want to keep

I may have messed up baby
but I did it for you
all my mistakes leading me to this
something new
An obstacle course across
my soldiering heart
The wrong way was the right way
from the very start

Because this is life my dear
wipe away your tears

Your face looks just the way
that I wanted it to
as if I imagined it before
ever laying eyes on you
So whisper anything in my waiting ears
whatever it is I'm sure
will erase these fears

I want the flames of my soul
to burn from your eyes
I don't care that it's taking us
47 tries

Because you're
worth the wait
this waiting
is my fate