27 weeks

I can't believe this is the final week of my second trimester. Next week I will begin the final stretch. It's absolutely insane! And it might be a little early to be saying this, but I kind of can't wait to not be pregnant anymore. Like everything else about pregnancy, it's a mixed emotion—I'm elated at the thought of being able to bend and twist my body any which way I choose, sleeping without 45 pillows propping up various body parts and maybe not being in pain when doing so, enjoying a cup of coffee and a caesar salad (perhaps not together though), being able to run instead of waddle. But, of course, I know I will also feel a twinge of sadness when the journey is over because there is something tremendously special about being pregnant and being thisclose to my baby girl at all times. Part of me feels like the minute she leaves my body she will be leaving for college the next day and that…..well, it makes my heart hurt. 

But, really, the end of pregnancy is not the most comfortable of times. Something shifted in my body last week and I reached a new stage in which I like to exclaim "I'm just too pregnant!" followed by some sort of animal-sounding grunt that could only escape a pregnant woman's mouth. This usually happens when I try to lift myself off the couch, get into bed at night or dress myself. So I've been wondering why there isn't a manual every pregnant woman receives that is filled with practical how-to's and solutions. I don't mean the standard "you're going to feel like throwing up. When this happens eat some ginger, munch on crackers, never leave your stomach completely empty." I'm talking about "you're not going to be able to put on your own underwear, pants or socks. When this happens find yourself a pair of tongs with extra long handles and use these as an extension of your own arm to pull those suckers on." Really, the list of things you can no longer maneuver is quite extensive, I think it'd make good sense for someone to come up with some solutions. It's just not practical to assume I have someone following me around all day putting lotion on my legs for me, picking up everything I drop on the floor and cannot retrieve, or spoon feeding me because I cannot reach my plate at the table. I mean, I nearly severed a toe attempting to cut my own toenails the other day. That doesn't seem fair.

It seems unnatural to transition into a sappy pregnancy sentiment after everything I just said, so I'll leave it at that for the week:)

26 weeks

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And Baby Makes 3!

where's this all going?

When I started this blog I simply wanted a place to post some pictures and surface-level thoughts as I played around with my photography. After almost a year though, I had a more concrete plan and started posting every day. I had many reasons for this—it was a way to hold myself accountable, to feel committed to working on my photography/business/creative journey, it was a way to make sure I was always writing, it was an outlet, it was something I believed would help me stay on my path and arrive at whatever destination the Universe had in store for me. And I had clear-cut topics for this blog for quite a while. Then I got pregnant. 


Sadly, I haven't found myself very artistically inspired since I've been pregnant and that's a fact that I really struggle with. But, that's not to say I am not inspired. I feel inspired to write, to put my experience out there for what it's worth. I tried to keep the pregnancy posts to a minimum at first, but it's been the greatest source of writing material I've had in my life next to heartache (go figure). So I've been writing, and you've been reading. In fact, more and more people have flocked to this humble little blog since I began writing about pregnancy. So how could I stop? But, I often wonder where this is all going. I am still an artist above all, I still have goals and dreams for my life as an individual and I hope to get back to all that when it's possible. But, my blog has slowly morphed into a motherhood/parenting blog, and I'd wager it will continue once my little bean arrives (the greatest source of inspiration imaginable). I have a feeling this will all make sense someday soon though…I have a feeling that becoming a mother is closely tied to the direction I am meant to travel career-wise. Stay tuned….

maternity shots

I still haven't figured out how/when I will have maternity shots taken. I realized this morning that time is quickly passing me by so I might want to start thinking about that, which led me to head over to Flickr in search of some inspiration. Just a few…

by Sebastien Laban

by Anna Theodora

by Michael Sweet

by A&K Photography

by Yvonne Lorraine

by Jen Rodriguez

26 weeks

I've reached the rapidly expanding phase of pregnancy (two thirds of the way there, baby!)—my pants look/feel like they were painted on, the double chin is in full effect, my once mid-thigh length shirts now barely cover my belly, and trying to put my own socks and shoes on is not only painful, but a job I have to outsource many a day. This is it, the end is barreling toward me. I had the realization the other day that I could give birth in just 10 weeks with my midwives (36 weeks is the cut-off, before then is considered premature). That is just crazy. And it set my mind racing with endless lists of things still to be done before this little peach arrives. This is not helping my insomnia. 

The nursery is STILL not done on account of yet another list of unforeseeable hiccups in the reno project. This fact is killing me softly. The house is piling up with baby gear and my nesting hormones are relentless. Please Universe, stop putting obstacles in our way so I can get this frickin' room done!!! I will say, though, that I am pretty excited about the design I've put together for the room. More on that soon.

I cannot say how accurate mother's intuition is, but I do know that I feel it all the time. I've mentioned that I often feel like I know so much about this baby and her personality already. I get the sense that she is so ready to live life. She constantly remains at the bottom of my uterus, as close as possible to her exit route. I can sense her independence even though she's still completely reliant on me at the moment. She is strong and has an incredible presence about her. She is stubborn. She knows what she wants. She is driven.

As is evident from my completely transition-less writing today, my mind has become a scattered mess of thoughts punctuated with passing anxieties. Everything feels so urgent at this point, everything. I realize that is biology doing its thing, coaxing me to prepare for this monumental event, but that fact doesn't erase the urgency. I've also been worrying that the heightened sense of urgency coupled with baby girl's zeal to live life means she's coming early. Gulp. Of course, that could also be because my sister-in-law put that idea in my head, followed by her 3-year-old prophet-of-a-daughter (the same one who told me I was pregnant the day after I conceived) told me the baby was going to come out now (then again, she also told me the baby would be born April 27th at night). I suppose only time will tell, so in the meantime I'm going to go attack my house with non-toxic furniture polish and make about a billion lists of to-dos, color-coded by priority level.

25 weeks
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18 weeks
17 weeks
16 weeks
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And Baby Makes 3!

the bond of pregnancy

Pregnancy is a funny thing. In one way, it is a very isolating experience given you are the only one who can go through it. No one can join you in all the aches and pains, the worries and fears that keep you up at night, the months of nausea, the magic and bonding between you and your unborn baby, the bizarre sensation of all your body parts stretching, moving, and morphing into a completely new arrangement, the crazy impatience and excitement, or the intense odyssey that is childbirth. Sure, you can look to others to emotionally support you through all of that, you can find hands to hold and shoulders to cry on. But, ultimately, it's all yours. 


At the same time, pregnancy bonds you to others in a profound way, a completely unique way, an ever-lasting way. You may feel more connected to and appreciative of your own parents. You may feel closer than previously possible to the women in your life who have children. You may feel a deeper kind of affection for other people's children. And then there is your spouse. This is the person who is in the trenches with you, the one who shares those hilarious/gross/surprising/troubling moments when your body does something unexpected, the one who witnesses the ebb and flow of your insane hormones, the one who brings you a glass of water after you regurgitate your supper, the one who hears that tiny heartbeat for the first time with you….the one who has given you the gift of half their DNA, the one whose love melted with yours to create this little being that only the two of you can share a similar experience of.


I was reflecting back on the experience of conceiving and being pregnant with my husband the other night as I prepared to leave for a 4-day trip up to Saratoga. As I mentioned last week, I was run out of my house by an insanely invasive construction project that made this a completely unmanageable environment for a pregnant lady. But, it was so hard to leave. My hormones were shouting "don't leave your nest!" and my heart was aching in a way that felt familiar, yet somehow entirely new. The whole time I was away I needed to hear my husband's voice on the phone 3 times a day in order to remain sane.


My husband and I have been ridiculously attached to one another since our very first date. We admittedly don't like to spend much time away from one another and have a rule to never be apart more than 5-7 consecutive days, which honestly very rarely ever happens. And when we are together at home, we can usually be found holding hands, hugging, snuggling or the like at constant intervals (this is, of course, broken up by us spending time alone doing our own thing because, ironically, I would go nuts without my space and time alone). But, since I've been pregnant, the dynamic has shifted. I seem more detached, less affectionate, more introspective and less talkative to my husband. The interesting thing is, though, I've never felt more attached to him. I may act more aloof, but I need him in ways I cannot explain. He is the only one who has seen the cumulative experience, the one who understands (as much as is possible) my current (yet constantly changing) emotional state, my needs, and my limitations….and more importantly, he doesn't pass judgement on any of it. He is the one who talks to this baby as much as I do, the one who knows what my pregnant body looks like naked, the one who cooks my meals and rubs my back, the one who has become so protective of me and his unborn child.


My trip away last week brought me back home to my husband. It was a chance to reflect on this journey, and realize that we're doing all right despite the craziness that is our life. Things have changed, for sure, but we are in this together regardless of whether we fall asleep spooning or with me pushing his arm off of me because my pregnant body needs space. And we love each other in a way that we couldn't before all this began.  


Relationships change when you have a child. That I knew. But, what I've experienced is that they begin to shift and change from the moment you decide to try to conceive. Every relationship I have now feels different—it's a wonderful, confusing, life-altering, surprising thing. I feel as if my life and environment are being stretched, moved and morphed into an entirely new arrangement along with my body parts. And somehow, I just know that all of these changes are setting the foundation for a new life to begin—not just the life of my unborn baby girl, but the life I was meant to live. My relationships with others will never be the same. Nothing will ever be the same. This is the beginning, and I wouldn't want to have anyone other than my husband by my side.

watching the snow fall

escape

Let's Run Away

This is the week that my house is full of construction workers…and it's just about as fun as I anticipated. On the one hand, it's great to get so many big projects out of the way before the baby arrives. On the other hand, I am in full-on nesting mode and although it's a bloody zoo in here, I do not want to leave my house. But, after two days of dealing with loud, crazy, inappropriate construction workers who like to hit on me and discuss my pregnant body and breastfeeding with me (seriously, I thought I'd be safe from being hit on because I'm pregnant! so creepy) I've had enough. This mama bird is fleeing her nest and heading to Upstate New York for a few days. I'll be blogging from the road…