walls of horror

Being an aesthetically-focused individual, I have been trying to envision and sketch out the baby nursery from the minute we bought this house. But, I am completely stuck. I have spent so many nights lying awake, sifting through color schemes and furniture layouts in my head, and though I've had many ideas, none of them feel right. Perhaps I'll feel more inspired when I know the baby's gender? Perhaps I'll have a crazy, hormone-induced decorating surge at some point and know exactly what I want? I hope so.


For now, I am haunted by that long, narrow room at the end of the hall that currently looks like the perfect backdrop for a horror movie scene. When we bought the house, we felt lucky to find the one house in the Northern Berkshires that wasn't 100% wallpapered—with the exception of the nursery and a small bathroom downstairs. Piece of cake we thought, until Alex's brother-in-law brought over a steamer and began removing this…..

only to find this underneath……

This quickly turned into a huge project, given the terrifying teddybear wallpaper is from 1949 when the house was built and is glued to the original plywood. In other words, it's not coming off, which means an insane amount of wall patching before we can even think about painting it. 


I haven't even reached the crazy nesting phase of pregnancy yet, but I already feel like that room needs to be done TOMORROW. I hope that the walls get patched and I find some inspiration soon!

wake up!

I seriously cannot for the life of me wake up today…..

Wake Up Sunshine Print by Thoughtful Prints

Wake Up, Pick Me Up Mug by Art is Vast

Organic Cotton Wake Up Flour Sack Towel by Oh, Little Rabbit

Wake Up Paris by Trekker Jen Photography

Wake Me Up Peppermint Eucalyptus Bath Salt by The Jane Soap Company

Peppermint and Tea Tree Wake Up Bar by Honeyrun Farm

Wake Up Mini Shot by The Radical Uprise

Moca Cozy- "Wake Up" by Lacey Bug Creations

and baby makes three!

Yes, we are expecting! It's been a hard secret to keep, but since this is my first baby I was superstitious about sharing the news before I was 3 months along (now all my complaining about being sick, exhausted and unable to tend to my blog might make sense!). On our anniversary (two days ago), my husband and I were remarking on how incredibly eventful our lives have been this past year—wedding, honeymoon, trying to find a new state to move to, job searches, buying a house, living with Alex's mother for 2+ months, moving, pregnancy. But really, our lives have been eventful from the beginning of our relationship. When you unite two people who don't have the slightest capacity to remain complacent in any area of life, who happen to have ridiculously itchy feet and a drive to get things done and make changes…..well, their life together is going to be eventful. It's overwhelming, but I don't think we'd have it any other way.

Back to the baby though—we found out we were pregnant 2 days before our big move to Massachusetts! Overwhelming? Just a little. Exciting? Beyond words. Frustrating for a girl who likes to live life in an over-productive tornado, who under normal circumstances would have unpacked this house in a day and a half flat and had every room painted and decorated in less than a week? Umm, YES. I am very good at relaxing and enjoying lazy days, but ONLY when they are sandwiched between totally crazy, hectic, productive days. My first lessons in pregnancy/parenting: slow down, I am no longer in charge (and haven't been since only a week after I conceived when this tiny bean began calling all the shots), and it's okay to not have a pristine house because there are more important things in life (and I'll never have the time to be that neurotic ever again…well, until my children go off to college:).


I have to say I am giddy as heck to begin my second trimester, to leave behind the face full of broken blood vessels on account of all the puking, to start loving food again instead of cursing my biological need to ingest it, to stop sleeping 3/4 of the day and to be able to leave the house/my bed/the bathroom more than once a week. I always looked forward to experiencing pregnancy, but (as excited as I am) I'm not going to lie about it—the first trimester (for many of us) is horrendous and when it's your first child and the concept of an actual baby being the reward at the end of all of this isn't yet comprehensible, it simply feels like you are living with the worst stomach flu, motion sickness and hangover all rolled into one, 24 hours a day, and that can really sap your ability to enjoy life. Now that that's said, I will go into a self-imposed state of amnesia on the subject of first trimester woes from here on out and just be happy/giddy/glowing pregnant-lady. At least I'll try:)


One shocker for me—my belly popped right away. I am sure, at first, a great deal of it was typical pregnancy bloating, but the fact is I have not fit into any of my pants since a few weeks after I conceived. I've always been a complete stick figure and it's my first baby so this is a big shocker. We were worried this meant I was carrying twins, but those worries were quickly quelled when we caught our first glimpse of our little one via ultrasound yesterday (phew! one at a time, please!). I will take some new photos sometime this week, because I haven't been photographing my belly (also a shocker coming from someone who usually never puts her camera down). Here are two shots of the initial pop that I took at 7 weeks (I'm now 13 weeks and much rounder, but these pics are all I have at the moment). Something tells me the bulge in these photos might not be apparent to everyone, unless you know how thin I was before….but, it is the beginning of a new life….

happy anniversary to my love

Yesterday was my husband's and my first wedding anniversary so I wanted to take the opportunity to talk about marriage—something I rarely discuss (on my blog), but value so very deeply. I was somewhat afraid terrified of marriage before my husband came along, but in a conflicted way. I have always been an out-of-control romantic and would daydream about the man who would finally win my heart, but my detailed imagination seemed to keep me from ever truly letting go with a man, let alone agreeing to marry him. As the years passed and I made my way from one serious relationship to the next, I became more terrified of marriage because, while I "fell in love," none of the men I found came close to fitting into the daydream that had been evolving in my mind.


So after many failed attempts at love, I finally resolved to stay single forever rather than promise myself to the wrong man. Six months after my dramatic (but genius) dating hiatus began, I reconnected with a childhood schoolmate and my life changed. We got to know each other (again) through epic stream-of-consciousness emails, sharing our self-written poetry and music, and a level of honesty I had never known, which remains the foundation of the beautiful relationship we share today. He was the daydream I had faithfully carried around all those years, and it took a good two years of pinching myself every morning when I woke up to really "get" that this was real.


The fairytale to us means being our messy, complicated selves, and of course involves struggles and requires work just like any real relationship, but he never stops being the love of my life and we never stop choosing each other first and above all else. What used to make my chest tight and my mind panic (marriage) is now the most comforting, freeing, fulfilling experience I've ever known. Marriage is a source of strength (for me). The stability, pure acceptance and unconditional love allows me to explore myself, work through issues I never dreamed I could work through and move closer toward my true self….all while spending my life with my best friend and experiencing a love greater than anything I could've imagined.


Our real anniversary celebration will be in two weeks when we head up to Vermont for a weekend at the Stowehof (where we were married). To commemorate our anniversary last night though, my husband and I went through all of our photos from the last 3 years of our relationship. Here are some of the highlights (just a few out of the 1,000's I have on my computer:)…

L.O.V.E.

candy shop

I was doing an Etsy search the other day (unrelated to candy) and somehow this came up:

 Candy Photography by Lola's Room

I was immediately drawn into a whimsical childhood dream when I saw this photo. I was taken back to the days when summers were filled with family trips to the beach, catching fireflies in mason jars, card games on the porch, dancing on the hot pavement as rain poured down on me, camp fires, and bike rides in hot pursuit of penny candy. There was one particular candy shop in Cape Cod that sent me over the edge of excitement and deep into indecision as I poured over the bins of candy cigarettes, airheads, gobstoppers, fireballs, and candy necklaces. My parents always gave us a limit so we could only spend a few dollars, and I took the decision very seriously as I struggled to do math in my head. I had to get the right mix or I'd be kicking myself as I stared green-eyed at my sisters' loot, which always looked better for some reason. Oh, those were the days! 

Candy Sticks by Katie Lloyd Photography

As I sit here coming off a long stretch of tough decisions—where do we want to live and raise a family, how much house can we afford, which house do we choose, 30-year fixed or 5/1 arm, what's more important fixing the garage roof or chimney leak, how the heck do we make our budget work—well, I long for the days when my biggest decision was whether to choose a gobstopper or gum ball. Of course, I love my life and honestly much prefer being 31 years old, but I think I will always daydream about simplicity (and sweets!).


[This all reminds me of a post I did a year ago. In that post I linked to my tumblr page, which has a recording from November 22nd called Buttercup History (you have to scroll down a little bit). It's an oral poetry piece I did on the subject of childhood summers, which I actually quoted here. Give it a listen!]

what not to do

Short and sweet today. You may have seen this around, but I just rediscovered it on my desktop and thought it was a great reminder to stay away from these bad habits (that I am so prone to!)….

the season of orange

'Tis the season of orange—pumpkins, leaves, halloween. And I really do enjoy the color more this time of year….it's so happy, so warm, so inviting. 

Infinity Scarf by Loops and Stitches

Autumn Leaf Photography by Raceytay

Tree Photo by Bomobob

Packet in Burnt Orange by Jenny N. Design

Orange Throw Blanket by Pattern Studio

Tangerine Lumbar Pillow by Bertie Woodhouse Decorative Pillows

Large Clutch by Milk and Honey Handbags

Orange Poppy Triptych by Kristen Dougherty

Infinity Scarf by Tomie Harlene

Paisley Revolution Art Print by Jeff Mac

Ceramic Owl Lantern by Fruit Fly Pie

Ikat Pillow by Lekalia Interiors