happy anniversary to my love

Yesterday was my husband's and my first wedding anniversary so I wanted to take the opportunity to talk about marriage—something I rarely discuss (on my blog), but value so very deeply. I was somewhat afraid terrified of marriage before my husband came along, but in a conflicted way. I have always been an out-of-control romantic and would daydream about the man who would finally win my heart, but my detailed imagination seemed to keep me from ever truly letting go with a man, let alone agreeing to marry him. As the years passed and I made my way from one serious relationship to the next, I became more terrified of marriage because, while I "fell in love," none of the men I found came close to fitting into the daydream that had been evolving in my mind.


So after many failed attempts at love, I finally resolved to stay single forever rather than promise myself to the wrong man. Six months after my dramatic (but genius) dating hiatus began, I reconnected with a childhood schoolmate and my life changed. We got to know each other (again) through epic stream-of-consciousness emails, sharing our self-written poetry and music, and a level of honesty I had never known, which remains the foundation of the beautiful relationship we share today. He was the daydream I had faithfully carried around all those years, and it took a good two years of pinching myself every morning when I woke up to really "get" that this was real.


The fairytale to us means being our messy, complicated selves, and of course involves struggles and requires work just like any real relationship, but he never stops being the love of my life and we never stop choosing each other first and above all else. What used to make my chest tight and my mind panic (marriage) is now the most comforting, freeing, fulfilling experience I've ever known. Marriage is a source of strength (for me). The stability, pure acceptance and unconditional love allows me to explore myself, work through issues I never dreamed I could work through and move closer toward my true self….all while spending my life with my best friend and experiencing a love greater than anything I could've imagined.


Our real anniversary celebration will be in two weeks when we head up to Vermont for a weekend at the Stowehof (where we were married). To commemorate our anniversary last night though, my husband and I went through all of our photos from the last 3 years of our relationship. Here are some of the highlights (just a few out of the 1,000's I have on my computer:)…

L.O.V.E.