Tuesday, February 7, 2012

29 weeks

I mentioned last week that I had an emotional meltdown in a hospital lab and found myself sobbing all thanks to a Martina McBride song. What I didn't mention was that later on that same day I also burst into tears when I paused for a moment on an episode of A Baby Story (something I normally refuse to watch because it does not depict the kind of birth I'm hoping for). But, this episode featured a home birth and at the moment I breezed by it I heard the midwives saying to the mother in labor "it's ok, let your baby out." That phrase sounded so beautiful….such a nonthreatening way to tell a woman to push. I then cried an hour later when I made Alex watch said episode with me, because I felt the need to record it after being emotionally moved. And then an hour after that I cried as I tried to explain to Alex why I love him. It was a big day for me and my hormones. Welcome to my third trimester…I sometimes resemble a mental patient….or actually, an infant (how fitting).

I must say, my due date has felt so close for much of this pregnancy, mostly because the idea/reality of having an actual baby in our house is so intense that it happening in any amount of months feels like it's tomorrow. I simply cannot put that feeling into words. 

Now, we are just 11 weeks away, and I oscillate between feeling like this is happening tomorrow and like this is happening a year from now. Intellectually, it's like "holy @*!% only 11 more weeks of life as a twosome; only 11 more weeks to finish this gigantic list of to-do's; only 11 more weeks until I can no longer spend 45 minutes smelling soaps and candles at Whole Foods; only 11 more weeks of getting 10 hours of sleep every night….I think I need a little more time!" But, physically—and that's the part of me that's getting difficult to ignore—it's like "OH. MY. GOD. 11 more weeks of being pregnant?! But, I am stretched out as far as I think I can be. I've been carrying this baby around for what, like 2 years now, right? But, I don't want to grow any more chins…I'm overwhelmed by the number I currently have. I've already had to buy 3 sets of bra sizes and you're telling me these puppies are going to grow 2 more times?! But, I miss not wearing a bra. Do you know what it feels like to be literally punched in the bladder? This baby is going to double or maybe triple in size in the next 11 weeks….how will I ever keep my urine in?" 

These dueling mentalities are accompanied by bouts of me holding my belly and tearing up because I can't handle the love I feel for this little being…and I simply cannot wait to snuggle her.

Oh, the waiting game.  

1 comment:

  1. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!!! So healthy- and glowing- and amazing! Keep up the good baby-growing work!


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