Tuesday, March 27, 2012

36 weeks

I have never been so awestricken or consumed by something as I have pregnancy. Instead of getting used to the idea and/or experience, I have found that the closer I get to the end, the more my mind is blown. At this point there is a fully formed human being living under my skin and there is nothing more bizarre than that to me. As much as I prepare for this life change, I really cannot grasp the reality of it. It's very much like waking up in one of my childhood daydreams—how did I suddenly find myself married, living in a house I own, with a baby?! 

Wasn't it just yesterday that I was the single "girl" living in a city apartment by myself with the idea that I might not ever get married or have babies? It's as if I waited…..and waited…..and waited some more for my life to begin—28 years to be exact. And then, I woke up one early winter day in San Francisco completely unaware that my life was going to drastically change with an email from a boy I went to school with as a child. 9 days later we had our first date. A week after that we were sure it was love. 4 months later I moved cross-country to move in with him. On our one-year anniversary, he proposed. 9 months later we were married. 10 months into our wedded bliss, we were pregnant…the same month we bought a house. And here we are, 37 weeks after our last monumental life change, knowing that even though the last 3.5 years have been quite eventful, it still feels like life is just about to begin. After years of playing house, trying to fit different men into the story, practicing, wondering, doubting, dreaming, this is IT—the characters have been chosen, the scene is set. This is real life….full-blown, all-cylinders-firing, irreversible life. It's no longer a daydream….so when will it stop feeling like one?

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