In the last 40 minutes, the weather outside has gone from partly cloudy to raining heavily to hailing like crazy to snowing to sunny, bright and clear…..oh, wait, back to snowing…..and back to partly cloudy. I don't know how those weather patterns are possible in such a short span of time, and I wondered for a moment if I had tipped past being a walking zombie into full-on hallucination. But, somehow the confusion and chaos outside my window, the utter lack of decisiveness on the atmosphere's part, makes sense to me today.
To me, these last days of pregnancy feel awfully similar to the days when my husband and I were trying to conceive. Both of us are constantly obsessed with what is or isn't happening inside my body, wondering if I feel "different" in any way that may indicate some progress, waiting for "it" to finally happen. Meanwhile, those around us are increasingly curious about the state of our intimate affairs, asking if it's happened yet, hovering. It's interesting how sex and birth, two of the most private, intimate acts that exist, somehow become public affairs. Given that, let the public record show that as of today, my due date, there are many changes occurring inside my body, but instead of talking about them or what those changes mean as far as when this baby is going to arrive, I will leave it a mystery. My husband and I created this baby in such a secluded, amazingly intimate and meaningful way and shared a quiet, wonderful moment together before the sun rose one summer morning discovering that we were no longer two, but three. In the same way, the rest of this journey is for us. These are the rare experiences in life that change you, that open up your soul and allow it to fuse to another's in a permanent, magical way. And so, together, we wait.